How fast the last 12 months have flown by. Before we know it, it will be New Years Eve and millions of people across the world will be making resolutions like quitting smoking, joining a gym and losing weight or any of the many resolutions we have all made over the years. How many people do you know, who have made a New Year’s resolution and then fallen back into the same old habits?
In NLP we use many different techniques to help our clients achieve the goals they want to. When it comes to success, we incorporate the 5 principles for success. To achieve our desired outcome, there are 5 simple steps to help us achieve what we have set out to do or to take control of our situation. They are quite simple in their own right and yet very powerful when combined.
Here are the five principles for success.
1. Know your outcome
Step 1 in the five principle for success is to really know what it is that you want to achieve or what you want your outcome to be. Many people are totally lost, sailing like ships in thick fog, because they are looking for something, but not quite sure what. Should I change my career? Must I stay with the person I am with? What do you really want? Make a list of the specific things you want to achieve. Be sure you write down what you want and not what you don’t want.
2. Take action
When you know what you want to achieve, you need to take action. Quite simple, yet so many people sit and ponder what they should be doing next. Never actually doing what it takes to get what they want. If you want to change your career, take action. You need to start by looking for another job. If you want to save the relationship you are in, take action. Why is it not going the way you want it to go? Speak to your partner and find out what he or she wants. Sitting around on your bum and not taking action is not going to get you anywhere. That is how people wake up and realize their lives have passed them by.
3. Have sensory acuity
This is interesting in the fact that we are sometimes oblivious to what is going on around us. What signals are we getting from other people? Let’s stick with the relationship theme for a second and really simplify it for explaining what we mean be sensory acuity. If you lean in closer to give your partner a kiss and they turn their head so you can kiss their cheek instead, or they get red in the face, then there is probably something wrong. Ask them what the problem is. If it has been going on for some time, there may be some underlying issues and may be why you have this “feeling” that all is not well. If they jump up to give you a more passionate kiss, then it is a good indication that they want to be with you. So be aware of the subtle signals that people give to show their emotions. There is a real powerful set of techniques in NLP for paying attention to other people. We look at a number of things to calibrate other people’s “signals”. These include among others, skin colour, lower lip size, breathing, skin tonus and pupil dilation. We teach these in our NLP Practitioner training and life coaching courses.
4. Have behavioral flexibility
This is another interesting concept. So there you are in the restaurant with your partner and the waiter brings the food. Problem is the food is cold. What do you do?
A) You moan at the waiter and make a bit of a scene. Your partner is embarrassed and later you will argue about your behavior. The waiter is already having a bad evening, because the warmer draw is playing up and the reason for the food being cold.
B) Now, let’s say you quietly and politely called the waiter over to explain the food was cold. He profusely apologizes and explains about the warmer draw. He is actually also the manager and says you can have the meal on the house because of your politeness.
You see, the way we act determines how the other person reacts and so on and so on. The same situation can have many outcomes depending on our behavior. Back to the relationship example and shouting back at your partner instead of asking them why they are in a bad mood can lead to more shouting etc. Speaking to them in a soft caring voice could calm them down to explain they had a terrible day at work. If something doesn’t work, do something different.
5. Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence
So what do we mean a physiology and psychology of excellence in NLP terms? How do you stand, how you carry yourself. The thoughts that run through your mind and how you act. Make sure what it is that you want in your head and how you want to carry yourself to achieve your outcome. Is it conducive to getting the results you want? When you go to an interview, ripped jeans, chewing gum and act in a way that may offend the potential employer? Do you walk tall and speak clearly? When you are with your partner, do you lie on the couch all day and shout across the room at them to get you some coffee? You don’t see the queen of England swearing in public and chewing gum with her mouth open. Instead you will see a polite wave and smile. Be sure that you act, behave and carry yourself in a way that is conducive for the end result you wish to achieve. This does not mean being false. It means act in the way that will do you proud. You never know whose watching.
You may ask yourself what these examples have to do with New Year’s resolutions. Well everything and nothing. These were just simple examples showing how we as people can behave and that there can be different outcomes depending on that behavior or lack of behavior. When we incorporate these simple 5 principles for success, then we behave in a way that will help us to succeed, including achieving New Year’s resolutions. So make this the year you keep your New Year’s resolutions and make every other goal achievable.